To The Women

I have been at home with our boys from the beginning. Devan and I made that decision before our oldest son, Jude, was born. At that moment we were in a lot of debt and it seemed almost hopeless to get out of it in less than 20 years. We were willing to walk the hard road, living on one income, even if it meant we didn't get the things we wanted all the time. By God's grace we have learned to budget well and are getting out of debt. Devan has been back in school. He may not finish in 4 years, but is that our timeline or God's? God is taking care of us every step of the way. I know sometimes it is hard to fathom not having two incomes, but once you make that commitment to live by God's standards, you will never want anything less. 




I invite you to watch this 6 minute clip before reading further.

Women, there is a standard in our lives that God Himself has set before us in Scripture. We can try to argue and make excuses all we want, but when it comes down to it, He will always be right. So to my Christian sisters out there I beg you to wrestle with this Scripture and others that support it. There is so much to unpack in it, but today my heart is led to focus on one part of it.  So I ask for your grace and pray that you know what I say is all in love.

Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

We are to be trained as women to do a number of things but the one we are dealing with today is "working at home...that the word of God may not be reviled." The simple question is, are you working at home? Will you be staying at home with your children when/if you have them? Are you at home with them now? I understand that there may be exceptions for some women, such as single moms. There are a number of reasons other women will choose not to stay at home. Some of these reasons may be good, but are they best? We want to have a sense of purpose in our work. We don't want to lack money in our family. Our husbands go to school. We enjoy our current standard of living. How could we have all of these things without being in the workforce?


We are also training the next generation of disciples. Our children are to reach the nations with the gospel. But in order for that to happen, we must invest in them first. How many moments are you willing to let someone else have with your children? If you spend the first hour with them in the morning, then drop them off for the next 8 to 10 hours, only spend the last 2 hours of the day feeding them and putting them to sleep, how much are you showing them that they are worth your time? Is sending our babies and small children off to daycare telling God that we desire to live out our lives according to His will? Children need us. God blessed us with them; we should care for them according to His standards.


This is not an issue of work and task. This is an issue of our hearts. Society says that it is ok to let someone else raise our children. The Bible doesn't! As women, our hearts  need to be focused on helping our husbands, caring for our children, loving our family and working at home. If you struggle with this and the thought of being home all day, check your heart and see if you are actually desiring God's will for your life. Staying home is a discipline. It's not easy to figure out. We need God to show us His ways because the world says that children can be left in daycare and they will be just fine. Scripture tells us that if we are not working at home we have reviled the word of God. "Revile" means to use abusive or scornful language against someone or something. 


Staying home is not the easiest job, but it is the best job for us as women. We learn how to be self-disciplined when the one in charge of our schedule is God. We have to admit that it is tough to be with our children all day because we don't feel productive. We have to learn that we may only get one load of laundry done and one dish cleaned in 8 hours and we have still loved our husbands well and cared for our kids. It is not always easy having to let go of our agendas to make sure that we are giving our children the care they need. Staying at home may mean that we live a little more simply, but in the end would you rather have a better home or a better family?

How much will real love cost?

"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?"
Mark 8:35-36

There is a fear of change when it comes to God that is rampid in our culture. We fear that our life under the guidance and direction of the Living God and Creator of All Things will turn our life to crap. We fear that God will take away our friends and we will never be able to get new ones or have contact with the old ones. We think of him like a vacuum that sucks the life out of living. Where have we gone wrong? Now one may think I am only speaking of those that do not know and love Jesus, but I tell you it happens to believers and non believers. We think our ways are better and we are unwilling to give up our way of life for the way that God, our Creator, has instructed or led us to live it out.


Before giving my life over to Christ and investigating God I figured that there was a set of rules that I would have to follow if I decided to do that whole "Christian thing". I would not be allowed to do what I was doing. I even knew the things I would have to give up. I was ignorant and had little understanding of what Christ was all about. I liked to do things that I knew would work. A complete rearrangement of my life was never in the cards. I am an organized person that likes things to fit in a box. I thought I liked the life that I made for myself, until it all fell apart piece by piece. I came to realize I was never and had never been completely satisfied.


As I investigated more in depth about being a Christian I found out I had it all wrong. God's love for me, His words for me, and the relationship that formed and started to take place between us made my desires change. I no longer desired the temporary pain remover named alcohol, pot and sex. I had a God who fulfilled my deepest longings. I came to realize I used those momentary gratifications for the reduction of pain, the increase of pleasure, and the escape to a fantasy that would take me away from reality.(Because to be honest, my reality wasn't as good as it looked.) I realized soon in my life with Christ that when I desired to do those things it was simply because I was either addicted to the feeling, running from the pain, or just not wanting to be wrong about what I had invested my life in for eight long years.


I would like to say that making the decision to fully commit to God was the easiest thing that I ever did. If I did, I would be lying. I cried at night and had to pray things like, "God give me something to do on Friday nights because the only thing I know how to do is the very thing I don't want to do anymore."(Romans 7:14-25). I had to figure out what it looked like to follow a God that I was just getting to know. And sometimes that meant that I had to take the hard road of changing my everyday habits in order to understand more of who God was. But I can say that in the end, the joy that came from knowing God was always better than any other temporary satisfaction the world had offered me.(2 Corinthians 4:17-18, John 15:11)


So now that I have been in a relationship with Jesus for a while, the trials must be over and it is easier now, right? Wrong. I know my Savior a little, better which makes me realize how much more I need Him. Now that I know His desires for my life as He outlines in Scripture, following them can be hard. He teaches me about going against the flow of our society. As a woman, my focus is to be toward my husband, children and home.(Titus 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:15, 27) It is not to be on finishing my college degree the way I wanted to and getting the job that would pay me enough money to live well off. It has not been about being in relationships I think are necessary. It has not been about staying comfortable in a city that I loved with people I knew. It has not been about my husband finishing school in the 4 to 5 year span, but rather going to school at the pace God decides and for the length of time He wants. 


The things that are the hardest for us in life, the ones we fight for, sacrifice for, and invest in are the ones we treasure the most. I can say that so far I have done those things and regretted none of them all in exchange for the gift of God Himself in my life and the blessing of knowing Him. Somehow when He is the one in the forefront of my life, everything else hard or easy falls into place and I can find rest. (Matthew 11:29)


So how much will it cost? Everything. Is it worth it? Always. 

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

-CS Lewis "The Weight of Glory"