Real Love

Love. We all strive for it and we all abuse and use it at some point. As women, we look for love in so many places that never satisfy. We will literally put ourselves through hellish nightmares that we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy in the name of finding love and "feeling" love. We date men that are still boys thinking we can change them or that they are the night in shining armor. Reality is they use and abuse us. We think if we give into the sexual appetite of a man, then in return he will love us. We think all the pain we go through is worth the couple minutes that we "feel" loved by him. There are women that try to take the "I'm just a player" stand, which may work for a while to just try and numb the pain of reality.

I still remember, clear as day, staying in and even pursuing relationships where I was cheated on, mistreated and unloved all for the sake of saving face and trying to avoid the pain of saying that I had failed once again in a relationship. I felt worthless and damaged. I told myself that no other man could satisfy me and that I couldn't give up because I had invested too much. My identity was found in men. I had given into every temptation. How could I ever repair the damage I had done to my own life? Maybe if I closed my eyes I could wake up in ten years and I would finally be married have kids and life would be great. Reality, without Gods grace and relentless love,I would have woken up in ten years next to a man that was addicted to porn, going to strip clubs, cheating on me and possibly addicted to drugs or something worse.


I gave into sin over and over and over again. It was no ones fault. It was my sin, my choices and my reality. I would cry at night in anguish over heartbreaking experiences that I would place myself in and put myself through. I would cry to God "why?". I was trying to love the wrong thing first. I needed a swift kick in the face. I needed to be hit with a two by four gospel message. I needed to have "love" redefined. I needed to be redefined. My love was superficial, unsacrificial and unfaithful. I was trying to love when I didn't know what the definition was. By Gods grace, I hit rock bottom and He saved me. And this is what I have learned over the years.


Love is not easy. It is Truth in life. It is acknowledging sin and then running as fast and as far away as you can from it. No matter how much it doesn't "feel" good.  Love is only found truly in God. It can not be man made, it must be God given. Love is not just emotional. It is patient when we are not. It is kind, not hurtful. It is not rude and degrading. It is sacrificial and able to withstand all things in this life. Love never ends. (1Corinthians 13)


Love is defined in Jesus. He is it. He is the perfect balance of truth and grace in our lives. If we don't understand who Jesus really is we won't understand what it is really like to be loved. I know I sure didn't. The reality that someone perfect loved selfish and sinful me enough to die for me and bring me into a relationship with Him was so overwhelming that my life changed. My desires changed. I wanted nothing else but to keep giving in to His love. Everything in life changed, for I had now found the Love worth living for. Everyday I have to choose to continue to love Jesus and live life for Him. It is the hardest most satisfying and purposeful thing I will ever do. For far too many years I chose to invest in my selfish desires and uneducated philosophy of love. Now with the truth of Scripture and the love of Jesus I have been redefined, and true Love is a reality, not a fantasy.