A Walk in His Sandals

In Isaiah 53 Jesus is described as "a root out of dry ground....a man of sorrows acquainted with grief...oppressed and afflicted...had done no violence...no deceit in his mouth...it was the will of the Lord to crush Him." 


Have you ever felt wrongly accused? Ever felt like there is no one that knows what it is like to be in your place. Think of Jesus. He walked this earth sinless, curing disease, feeding the hungry, training men to do the same, and letting the lost know that God loves and forgives them. At the same time, during His entire ministry people tried to malign and twist His words. Pharisees waited with anticipation for Jesus to slip up in His words(Luke 14, 15). Jesus never did, most days the Pharisees walked away trapped in their own questions. No wonder He was called both a "root out of dry ground" and "a man of sorrows". 


As I read the Gospel of Luke I see Jesus walk through the temptation to throw in the towel and go home. You can almost hear it in His voice at times(Luke (:40-42). But instead He chooses to pray to God and walk the hard road of people rejecting the truth. Why? Because it is worth it to Him to save the ones that accepted His truth and hear the crowds glorify God in response(Luke 13:10-17). Jesus kept His eyes focused at all times. I believe that some days it was easier than others for Him. He knew what was God's will and what was not. Even when His closest friends thought they knew what was best(Matt 16:23), He rejected their words and stuck close to God's will. He gutted it out and walked through the trenches. And in the end, Jesus died the most painful death in the history of man and trusted in God even though Gods will was to crush Him(Isaiah 53:10) before He got to be back in heaven.


I would love to say I have some great application for this, but I don't. Sometimes the reflection on the reality of what Christ went through is all I need to keep life in perspective and glorify my God for everything He is. 

UNDESERVED GRACE

I grew up thinking I knew who You really were. 
I called myself a good person as I destroyed the very body You gave me and abused those You created to love me. 
As I knowingly turned from Your ways, I sank deeper in my own sin with each one of my days. 
I chose to defile my mind and prostitute my body, gifts you gave me to help me be godly. 
And today I do the same in secretive ways, hoping inside that what is done in the dark won't be exposed by the Light. 
But Your word stands true and has yet to ever fail me, in fact it has always been real with me. 
So I know that no matter what I do it is foolish to think I can hide it from You. 
Even knowing, I fall, my anger will take over and flesh come to life with sin. 
You ever so gently remind me of who You are again. 
I see what I have done, as I see my anger on the face of my son.
I fall to my knees and cry out to You, hoping, praying, that the other words You have written are true. 
Not only will all of me and my wretched sin be exposed in Your light, but every dark crevasse I tried to hide from Your sight. 
The other words then start to ring clear, that in my repentance Your presence is near. 
You come close to me and tell me to cling to the one true Everlasting King. 
You are gentle and humble and willing to let me in, as I am covered by the One who died for my sin. 
The tears start flowing as I look upon Your face, the One who has again given me undeserved grace. 


So what is this grace that you give?
I will never fully understand it as long as I live.
Perfect and beautiful. Matchless and extraordinary. King above all, sinless and humble. Loving and kind. Just and merciful. 
Perfection is needed by You. 
So in order to restore me, the worst of all people, the lowest of low, You sent Someone to die for me, You sent Him to death row. 
This Someone is not just a person, but He is Your Son. 
The One You cherished and loved before you ever created the sun. 
He was Yours that you watched grow from baby to a man. 
He was perfect in every way, in every way that no regular man can. 
But His purpose was clear while He walked the earth. His destiny was death from the moment of birth.
His innocent blood must be shed upon the cross otherwise, His people would be lost. 
Every razor to his back and thorn in His brow was to restore us to God the one way They knew how. 
As as He was drilled in the hands and the feet, He chose when His heart would have its last beat. 
But the Lord was pleased to crush Him, His son. The part of the Trinity that makes God three in One. 
God's justice was served as His Son was put to death, but I tell you, it was not Jesus last breath. 
See He rose from the dead three days later, only to be joined in glory with our Creator. 
Jesus walked the earth after being dead on a cross, all for us sheep that are terribly lost. 
But it doesn't stop there because it's not just about us, but about the glory of God and the One whom we trust. 
Every breath on the earth after death on the cross, was to bring bring us new life that would no longer be a loss. 

Now my joy is restored, when I deserved death, by the One who gave me his life giving breath. 
I was destined for Hell, and unimaginable place, but my God has instead given me undeserved grace. 

HIT YOUR KNEES

Ever have the days where you get blindsided? Something in life happens and now you are left with a choice to go one of two ways. This choice can come from a simple conversation or a major incident, either way you have now come face to face with a decision.

When we live a life only in the world then we can simply make a list of pros and cons. After we make the list we examine it and make a decision. There are times we go the right way and other times we, well screw up big time. When we live a life with God as our Ultimate Authority, the process looks different.

When God is in control everything in life changes, including the way we make decisions. Our lives depend on Him and our decisions are guided by His Spirit. Our list making days look different. Our list has been given to us in Scripture on how we are to live our life the best way. When we have to decipher what to do, we fall to our knees and pray.  Here in the Presence of God, we are able to see Him for who He really is, which reveals the heart He has in the decision we are to make.

Christ lives in us and our prayers bring that part of Christ, the Holy Spirit, alive in us. Praying connects us to God in a way that cannot be otherwise obtained. We are vulnerable and open to God transforming us and guiding us. Our trust moves from ourselves and our logic to the wisdom and provision of God. Prayer brings us closer to God than we could ever have dreamed. It is not a spiritual high, but a sacred meeting place filled with grace and love and compassion and heart changing conversations. God has granted us the privilege of praying to Him. We are able to ask for His guidance, especially when major decisions face us. Not only will He guide us, but our hearts will be desiring to move in a way that His does.

We are all prone to believing that we don't know what God wants us to do, but are we praying about it while being in His word and striving to live our lives in connection with Him? If we are, then we must be ready to hear the answer He has for us. We must be ready for the no, the yes and the not yet.

In my own life, prayer helps me to discern what is my neurotic emotions and what is God's desire for me. As a woman I know I am prone to irrational decisions and emotional responses. I have learned to be more careful and patient when it comes to decision making. By the grace of God, I pray more and wait on Him more. I have been guilty of the sin of saying the phrase, "God told me...." when really, I don't know that He did. My desires have wanted something, which may not be a bad thing, but is not necessarily the best thing. God lovingly guides us in this life, we simply need to follow His direction and make sure we are on our knees everyday to know what that is.

REFOCUS

Ever had a really good cup of coffee and then tried to go back to drinking your normal, cheap, instant coffee? Once you realize what good coffee is, nothing else will satisfy. You may settle for instant coffee, but there will always be a longing for the taste of that good coffee. This is how I think of my life in the times where I am trying to find my joy in what the world offers- money, pride, beauty, ect- instead of in Jesus. I know what true joy in Him is like, so when I settle for less, it always leaves me longing for Him.


As a Christian, I have learned that joy and fulfilment are something that the world does not understand. My faith in Christ does not allow me to settle for things that are less than worthy of my time and energy. Christ does not allow me to find satisfaction in anything but Him. It is not because he does not want me to be happy, in fact it is the very opposite. He desires that I have true joy in glorifying Him. He understands that anything less than the act of being near to Him will never staisfy my needs to be fulfilled. Once you have "tasted and seen that the Lord is good"(Psalm 34:8) you crave more and more of it. Jesus understood this and lived His life seeking God first, no matter what the cost. Jesus had far from an easy life, yet He never doubted God's presence and will for His life. That gave Him the peace and joy He needed to live in this world.


When I refocus my eyes on Christ life makes a little more sense and seems a little more hopeful. I know this sounds cliche, so let me get specific. I follow a Man that worked a regular job for 30 years while still being fully God. He submitted to the authority of men that He created, and Jesus did it without sin. Jesus was mocked in His own hometown(John 4). The last 3 years of His life, while He was in ministry saving and healing people, He was homeless(Luke 9:58). The one night He needed His friends to stay up with Him, they passed out (Luke 22:45). Even though He never sinned, people wrongfully accused Him and beat him, whipped Him with razors, and then nailed Him to a cross. He is called " a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief"(Isiah 53). So when I refocus my eyes on this Jesus who knows what it is like to struggle in life, I find comfort.


Looking at the way Jesus walked this earth and the trials He went through you would think that He would have every reason to be unkind, unloving, and flat out angry at the world. Yet, He was the opposite. He served with the joy of the Lord as His strength. He loved God so much that He would rather spend time with the Father than sleep. He may have had all of the reasons to be mad at God, yet God was the very one He ran to and submitted Himself to. So I have to ask myself, how can I live like that?


When it comes to truely seeking God and His glory, my joy instantly follows. I should never be dumb enough to think that the road will be easy. Yes, there will be times of laughter, but also sorrow. There will be times of fun and excitement but also grief and tears. But as scripture says"Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere."(Psalm 84:10)


John 15 gives me direction. Jesus speaks of being The Vine and us being the branches. It talks of how we get our life from Him and our only job, as a branch, is to stay connected to The Vine. We do this by abiding, or remaining in a fixed place next to Jesus through His love. And then after explaining this Jesus says(v11), "These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you and your joy may be full."


The world may never understand this and they may try to tempt me with momentary satisfaction. There is a pattern this world tries to have us follow, my job is not to conform, but to allow Jesus to transform me. When I let go of desiring instant gratification and hold fast to long term satisfaction in Jesus, it's a good day. Someday's it is as simple as remembering that Jesus loves me and I know this because the bible says so.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans12:2

To The Women

I have been at home with our boys from the beginning. Devan and I made that decision before our oldest son, Jude, was born. At that moment we were in a lot of debt and it seemed almost hopeless to get out of it in less than 20 years. We were willing to walk the hard road, living on one income, even if it meant we didn't get the things we wanted all the time. By God's grace we have learned to budget well and are getting out of debt. Devan has been back in school. He may not finish in 4 years, but is that our timeline or God's? God is taking care of us every step of the way. I know sometimes it is hard to fathom not having two incomes, but once you make that commitment to live by God's standards, you will never want anything less. 




I invite you to watch this 6 minute clip before reading further.

Women, there is a standard in our lives that God Himself has set before us in Scripture. We can try to argue and make excuses all we want, but when it comes down to it, He will always be right. So to my Christian sisters out there I beg you to wrestle with this Scripture and others that support it. There is so much to unpack in it, but today my heart is led to focus on one part of it.  So I ask for your grace and pray that you know what I say is all in love.

Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

We are to be trained as women to do a number of things but the one we are dealing with today is "working at home...that the word of God may not be reviled." The simple question is, are you working at home? Will you be staying at home with your children when/if you have them? Are you at home with them now? I understand that there may be exceptions for some women, such as single moms. There are a number of reasons other women will choose not to stay at home. Some of these reasons may be good, but are they best? We want to have a sense of purpose in our work. We don't want to lack money in our family. Our husbands go to school. We enjoy our current standard of living. How could we have all of these things without being in the workforce?


We are also training the next generation of disciples. Our children are to reach the nations with the gospel. But in order for that to happen, we must invest in them first. How many moments are you willing to let someone else have with your children? If you spend the first hour with them in the morning, then drop them off for the next 8 to 10 hours, only spend the last 2 hours of the day feeding them and putting them to sleep, how much are you showing them that they are worth your time? Is sending our babies and small children off to daycare telling God that we desire to live out our lives according to His will? Children need us. God blessed us with them; we should care for them according to His standards.


This is not an issue of work and task. This is an issue of our hearts. Society says that it is ok to let someone else raise our children. The Bible doesn't! As women, our hearts  need to be focused on helping our husbands, caring for our children, loving our family and working at home. If you struggle with this and the thought of being home all day, check your heart and see if you are actually desiring God's will for your life. Staying home is a discipline. It's not easy to figure out. We need God to show us His ways because the world says that children can be left in daycare and they will be just fine. Scripture tells us that if we are not working at home we have reviled the word of God. "Revile" means to use abusive or scornful language against someone or something. 


Staying home is not the easiest job, but it is the best job for us as women. We learn how to be self-disciplined when the one in charge of our schedule is God. We have to admit that it is tough to be with our children all day because we don't feel productive. We have to learn that we may only get one load of laundry done and one dish cleaned in 8 hours and we have still loved our husbands well and cared for our kids. It is not always easy having to let go of our agendas to make sure that we are giving our children the care they need. Staying at home may mean that we live a little more simply, but in the end would you rather have a better home or a better family?

How much will real love cost?

"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?"
Mark 8:35-36

There is a fear of change when it comes to God that is rampid in our culture. We fear that our life under the guidance and direction of the Living God and Creator of All Things will turn our life to crap. We fear that God will take away our friends and we will never be able to get new ones or have contact with the old ones. We think of him like a vacuum that sucks the life out of living. Where have we gone wrong? Now one may think I am only speaking of those that do not know and love Jesus, but I tell you it happens to believers and non believers. We think our ways are better and we are unwilling to give up our way of life for the way that God, our Creator, has instructed or led us to live it out.


Before giving my life over to Christ and investigating God I figured that there was a set of rules that I would have to follow if I decided to do that whole "Christian thing". I would not be allowed to do what I was doing. I even knew the things I would have to give up. I was ignorant and had little understanding of what Christ was all about. I liked to do things that I knew would work. A complete rearrangement of my life was never in the cards. I am an organized person that likes things to fit in a box. I thought I liked the life that I made for myself, until it all fell apart piece by piece. I came to realize I was never and had never been completely satisfied.


As I investigated more in depth about being a Christian I found out I had it all wrong. God's love for me, His words for me, and the relationship that formed and started to take place between us made my desires change. I no longer desired the temporary pain remover named alcohol, pot and sex. I had a God who fulfilled my deepest longings. I came to realize I used those momentary gratifications for the reduction of pain, the increase of pleasure, and the escape to a fantasy that would take me away from reality.(Because to be honest, my reality wasn't as good as it looked.) I realized soon in my life with Christ that when I desired to do those things it was simply because I was either addicted to the feeling, running from the pain, or just not wanting to be wrong about what I had invested my life in for eight long years.


I would like to say that making the decision to fully commit to God was the easiest thing that I ever did. If I did, I would be lying. I cried at night and had to pray things like, "God give me something to do on Friday nights because the only thing I know how to do is the very thing I don't want to do anymore."(Romans 7:14-25). I had to figure out what it looked like to follow a God that I was just getting to know. And sometimes that meant that I had to take the hard road of changing my everyday habits in order to understand more of who God was. But I can say that in the end, the joy that came from knowing God was always better than any other temporary satisfaction the world had offered me.(2 Corinthians 4:17-18, John 15:11)


So now that I have been in a relationship with Jesus for a while, the trials must be over and it is easier now, right? Wrong. I know my Savior a little, better which makes me realize how much more I need Him. Now that I know His desires for my life as He outlines in Scripture, following them can be hard. He teaches me about going against the flow of our society. As a woman, my focus is to be toward my husband, children and home.(Titus 3:3-4, Proverbs 31:15, 27) It is not to be on finishing my college degree the way I wanted to and getting the job that would pay me enough money to live well off. It has not been about being in relationships I think are necessary. It has not been about staying comfortable in a city that I loved with people I knew. It has not been about my husband finishing school in the 4 to 5 year span, but rather going to school at the pace God decides and for the length of time He wants. 


The things that are the hardest for us in life, the ones we fight for, sacrifice for, and invest in are the ones we treasure the most. I can say that so far I have done those things and regretted none of them all in exchange for the gift of God Himself in my life and the blessing of knowing Him. Somehow when He is the one in the forefront of my life, everything else hard or easy falls into place and I can find rest. (Matthew 11:29)


So how much will it cost? Everything. Is it worth it? Always. 

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

-CS Lewis "The Weight of Glory"

Real Love

Love. We all strive for it and we all abuse and use it at some point. As women, we look for love in so many places that never satisfy. We will literally put ourselves through hellish nightmares that we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy in the name of finding love and "feeling" love. We date men that are still boys thinking we can change them or that they are the night in shining armor. Reality is they use and abuse us. We think if we give into the sexual appetite of a man, then in return he will love us. We think all the pain we go through is worth the couple minutes that we "feel" loved by him. There are women that try to take the "I'm just a player" stand, which may work for a while to just try and numb the pain of reality.

I still remember, clear as day, staying in and even pursuing relationships where I was cheated on, mistreated and unloved all for the sake of saving face and trying to avoid the pain of saying that I had failed once again in a relationship. I felt worthless and damaged. I told myself that no other man could satisfy me and that I couldn't give up because I had invested too much. My identity was found in men. I had given into every temptation. How could I ever repair the damage I had done to my own life? Maybe if I closed my eyes I could wake up in ten years and I would finally be married have kids and life would be great. Reality, without Gods grace and relentless love,I would have woken up in ten years next to a man that was addicted to porn, going to strip clubs, cheating on me and possibly addicted to drugs or something worse.


I gave into sin over and over and over again. It was no ones fault. It was my sin, my choices and my reality. I would cry at night in anguish over heartbreaking experiences that I would place myself in and put myself through. I would cry to God "why?". I was trying to love the wrong thing first. I needed a swift kick in the face. I needed to be hit with a two by four gospel message. I needed to have "love" redefined. I needed to be redefined. My love was superficial, unsacrificial and unfaithful. I was trying to love when I didn't know what the definition was. By Gods grace, I hit rock bottom and He saved me. And this is what I have learned over the years.


Love is not easy. It is Truth in life. It is acknowledging sin and then running as fast and as far away as you can from it. No matter how much it doesn't "feel" good.  Love is only found truly in God. It can not be man made, it must be God given. Love is not just emotional. It is patient when we are not. It is kind, not hurtful. It is not rude and degrading. It is sacrificial and able to withstand all things in this life. Love never ends. (1Corinthians 13)


Love is defined in Jesus. He is it. He is the perfect balance of truth and grace in our lives. If we don't understand who Jesus really is we won't understand what it is really like to be loved. I know I sure didn't. The reality that someone perfect loved selfish and sinful me enough to die for me and bring me into a relationship with Him was so overwhelming that my life changed. My desires changed. I wanted nothing else but to keep giving in to His love. Everything in life changed, for I had now found the Love worth living for. Everyday I have to choose to continue to love Jesus and live life for Him. It is the hardest most satisfying and purposeful thing I will ever do. For far too many years I chose to invest in my selfish desires and uneducated philosophy of love. Now with the truth of Scripture and the love of Jesus I have been redefined, and true Love is a reality, not a fantasy.